Mission Accomplished.

WOW we've done it. I still can't quite get over the fact that Han and I actually managed 6 months away and we're still alive and still friends (BFF's). So cheers to the most amazing 6 months ever and thank you to Hannah (Montana) for being such a fab travel bud (don't worry I won't get too soppy, apart from the fact that it took me about half an hour to order a drink today because I didn't have Han there to tell me what to get and that I also received a phone call from her the other day incapable of deciding whether to go for a buy 2 get the third three combo on cosmetics... oh dear).

In order to prove that we actually didn't have any arguments while we were away I would like to share with you all the wondrous birthday card that I received from the bestie...

I want to be with you forever,

My heart is bouncing round and round,

I don't know what I've got...

I think I'm under the influence of liking you a lot!

I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone but you...

You my love,

Are my most favourite dream come true.

I will always love you.

Wow, that's love right there, and nothing to do with the fact that the only cards available in Asia are the most cringy things in the world. The card is now firmly in the travelling memories box, tucked away amongst the hundreds of leaflets, t-shirts and other general fancy dress memorabilia.

In the travellery box there's also a few more exciting little things like our parents 'Welcome Home' equipment.

Throughout the whole trip Han and I have been playing the Bertram's and the Croucher's off against each other demanding a competitive performance routine for our arrival at Heathrow, inspired by the much appreciated TMobile Welcome Home advert. And my how they did not disappoint. We came through into Arrivals (wearing every single item of fancy dress that we had collected throughout the trip; lays, meditation outfits, Peruvian woolly hats and full moon shorts to name a few items) to both families fully clad in Laura and Hannah branded t-shirts, welcome home signs, laptops blaring our own theme tune AND champagne. I love how every time I retell the story people say "Oh God wasn't that embarrassing" to which i reply HELL NO... we loved it! The fams delivered that's for sure!

So this was our first impression of arriving back in England, well that and the FREEZING cold which I am still having problems adjusting too. Which all in all shows that not much has changed. Its scarily easy to slot back into life at home despite all the amazing experiences that we've had.

I do keep having weird out of body experiences when I realise how much I must have adjusted to the foreign way of life... I now permanently attempt to hit the @ button above the 2 instead of the '. Yep, I just did it again then. Getting the tube has become a challenge, and I swear every person that I see coming into the Bat and Ball shouldn't be allowed to drink in there, but apparently have 'come of age' since I left. I still wear the clothes that I bought away because I can't cope with the depth of my wardrobe, what the fashion is anymore and/or remember what clothes I had before I left. All in all, things are weird.

So the best experience of my life complete, and probably the biggest achievement to date as well.

Two English girls complete the world challenge, alive, still friends, livers still functioning (just about). Bring on the next challenge. London life.... together obviously.

"India is full of contradictions"

Well seeing as I'm a little bit jet lagged and for some reason up at 6:30am, what better time to catch up on the last bits of the blog. India needs to be conquered today although I have to say it feels VERY strange to be sitting here in my dressig gown, sipping a cup of Tetley (with real milk) having just spent my first night alone in 6 months *sigh*.

Anyway, enough of the now and more of the what we've been up to in the last couple of weeks.

SO, India. Where to start? The country that we were warned repeatedly is the "country of contradictions" a statemenmt that we definitely found to be more than true for the whole time that we spent there. Most noticeably because of the huge divide between the rich and the poor and how closely the two groups sit next to each other. I think we probably managed to epitomise this quite nicely as it was my birthday on our last weekend in Delhi... which meant a little bit more flashpacking Marriott style again! How I love the Marriott points soooo much. Hillarious that one night we're staying for £3 a night and the next we're at a PLUSH hotel!

It gave the perfect opportunity for some last minute hardcore tanning time. India is a slight problem for tanning because obviously girlies have to be covered up all the time. It makes you pale and it makes you SWEAT. Quite how we managed to go look at all those temples in 45 degree heat with trousers on I have no idea, when sat by the pool wearing next to nothing I had a compulsive 5 minutes out 30 minutes in the pool rule. The heat in India is probably something to avoid - we were repeatedly told that the best time to go would be during the winter. However, we managed to brave it and see anything anyway... it wasn't THAT bad! I'm not really rocking the extreme tan that I was hoping for, but thanks to the last few days I definitely look like I've seen the sun a little bit!!

The birthday was a BIG event again! Hannah excelled herself. I wasn't expecting a thing... we are literally attatched at the hip at all times so I didn't think that she would have any chance at getting away with anything without me knowing. How wrong I was... I don't really think I should trust that girl anymore - she had been sneaking around behind my back for weeks! Anyway I had a lovely balloon and banner filled day of suprises... suprise breakfast, suprise cake, suprise present, suprise card (romantic rather than birthday, standard)  and we jetted off for flashpacker luxury and a ravey night out all for free... we even managed to wangle a body guard ha!

Anyway enough of the birthday fun.... we have done A LOT of stuff in India. Obviously, the biggy that everyone does in the Taj Mahal. Very impressive sight it has to be said, and we've seen a fair few million temples. Hannah and I cracked out the usual photo shoot and even some hardcore video footage. A particular favourite feature was the famed 'Diana seat' which we had a go on... sat on, lay on, etc.

Whilst the Taj is cool to have done, it was definitely a bit of a case of checking it off the list... its VERY touristy. The only way you can get a photo without millions of people all wearing matching tshirts as part of their 'tour' is to get there for bang on sunrise at 5. We actually managed it this time, (the benefit of it being quite challenging to find a drink in India) and we were very pleased that we did. By the time that we left at about 7ish the place was heaving.

Agra definitely gives you one of those contradictory experiences when you compare the beauty of the Taj to the town that surrounds it. Agra is such a tiny place to house a worldwide monument the scale of the Taj. The surrounding area is just a series of tiny little back alley streets, several of which you can't even get a car down and can only just about manage a rickashaw. Its VERY run down which suprised me for such a tourist hotspot. I was expecting it to be among the more wealthy areas that we would visit which was completely wrong! If anything the town as a whole was probably among the poorest - that and Varanasi. Delhi has its patches, as does every city, but obviously as the capital it also has a massive business hub and wealthy district which did not seem to appear in Agra or Varanasi.

If you want more of a spiritual experience whilst in India Varanasi is the place to go. It's a little town just on the Ganges, famed for being the location that the bodies of holy men and children are cremated and their ashes scattered in the river. We went on a boat ride at sunset and sunrise to see the ceremonies take place and it was fascinating. We stayed with a lovely family run guest house who took us out on their boat to join the millions of people that travel there everyday to witness the event. It was truely spectacular. I had seen snippets on the TV but I really didn't realise quite how many people would be there!!

Throughout the ceremony people send flowers with candles in the middle of them into the water for good luck. Hannah and I did this which was a lovely thing to do at the end of the trip, ready for the journey back to England.

The Final Stats

Very sadly it is the final day of our trip today, and with an imminent flight tomorrow the time has come to update the final figures of the stats. So here it goes... Don't judge us lol!

Countries visited- 13
Days away- 167
Hours abroad- 4015
Sober days- 48
Hours spent a buses- 282 or 12 days
Time spent apart- 26 1/2 hours
Ice cream consumed- 91 scoops
Boys kissed- 27
Names remembered- 15
New foods tried- off the scale
Buffets consumed - 19
Foreign swear words learnt- 8
Gardens visited- 7
China Towns visited- 5
Washing done- 13 times
Cultural landmarks visited- 43
Temple outings- 22
Bars/podiums danced on- 7
Items of costume/fancy dress acquired- 42
Tshirts purchased- 37
Stolen items- 12
Lost items- 11
Drunken journeys- 8
Shampoo explosions- 10
Postcards sent- 87
Items donated to charity- 26
Museums/galleries/zoo- 11
Hours spent underwater- 15
Drinking/card games learnt- 17
Dares completed- 24
Spice girls- 3
Raps and dances created- 5
Raps and handstands performed to earn our friendship- 10
Earrings lost- 27
Points tally total- 552 1/2

Some may involve using your imagination a little bit so have fun guessing what they're about!

Reunion with Bangkok

So I missed out blogging on Bangkok the first time round as I knew there would be a reunion with this place on the way back for the final flight out to Delhi. Not only was it a reunion with the place itself but also a reunion with Russel Crowe and actually with his friends too who, photographic evidence suggests, we actually met way back in Nha Trang but (because of the German) none of us remember.

The reunion with the city bought back many a fond memory of tuk tuk drivers calling 'ping pong show, puh puh' (something that you have to go and see in while your in Bangkok, google it if your brave enough and over the age of 18) and the blissful sound of the frog.

A friendly tone that has accompanied us throughout the journey since our initial purchase in Chang Mai. They are musical instruments that sound like frogs, you gently stroke the top with the supplied stick to make a wonderful sound. Arrrrgh. That may sound horrendously annoying to you, but it has become a comfort to Hannah and I as we use it to wake each other up and often get them out on long journeys to ease the boredom and to make friends (it doesn't irritate anyone, honest). We have even perfected harmonies. That teamed with Bieber (the Glee version) generally goes preeetty far to putting us up there as the coolest people ever. Believe it or not that was actually not on my I-pod (Russel). Public humiliation at its best right there.

So Bangkok bought an attempted reunion (ladies), a belated reunion (Russel Crowe), an unknown reunion (the rest of you lot we were with) and a cinematic reunion (Hangover 2). Nothing like watching Hangover 2 in the cinema in Bangkok where its set. The weirdest thing about the experience was possibly the dedication to the King at the beginning of the film. You all have to stand and watch a film about the life of the King. It's not the national anthem or anything, just some strange biopic. It was edging on being as funny as the film itself it has to be said, although I'm not sure that much can beat it. Certain members of our group actually had to leave the cinema as they could not contain their laughter, how mature. As far as the film goes, it's hilarious, and probably shows the randomness of Bangkok pretty well, although I can safely say that I don't know anyone thats managed to lose any fingers and I haven't seen a monkey that can smoke.

For us, our second trip to Bangkok was really just a manic shopping spree stocking up before the trip home and then a bit of an epic drinking session (again I know). We had done all the temples, government buildings and markets on the first trip, so it was time to go out from South East Asia with a bang, and that we did. In fact we were lucky to even leave South East Asia on time at all.

After a night of various drinking games... Never take on rugby boys at their own game, its a mistake for anyone needing to be at the airport by 6am. The games took on a new level of competitiveness and everyone in the bar must've thought that we were going crazy they were played so passionately. But thats the way it should be. We are forever disappointed by peoples lack luster attitude to drinking games, but these peeps excelled with enthusiasm which only encouraged Han and I still further. YEEEEHHHHAAAAAA, HOE DOWWWN, BIG TITTY COW GIRL and HAAAY BARRRN were being yelled at the tops of our voices whilst sporadically being intercepted by

1) Types of fruit
2) Country names
3) Carbonated drink brands

Each person chose an item from each of the above, for example Papaya, South Africa and Vimto or Grape, Lithuania, Orangina. The more obscure the better. The seasoned pro's were cracking out things such as United Arab Emirates or Lichtenstein. The aim was to remember what everyones choices were and then as someone loses the group game (Yeehaaa), start shouting them. If you repeat the word three times before anyone else has completed a country/fruit/carbonated drink brand set whoever you were shouting has to drink. Try shouting United Arab Emirates 3 times before someone else finishes shouting Lithuania.Its basically impossible.

This got ridiculous and as Han and I were the nubes, we seemed to be the target.

So we rocked up at the airport feeling more than a little bit worse for wear at 6am, to see on the board our flight number and a big red flashing light... check in closed.

Panic.

Double check the ticket.

It says 8:30.

Confusion.

Run to the check in counter.

Apparently our flight time had been changed. Well thanks for telling us STA! We'd had no info on this at all, so after a bit of begging we were raced through check in VIP styleee (a good job too, they didn't weigh our bags, they're so heavy at the moment its like we're lugging around a dead body or something).

So we were radioed through every stop off and met at every point to be raced through the next section. Best way really, none of that waiting around rubbish, although we did miss the treasured squirt of perfume in the Duty Free!

But as we finally boarded the plane a good 20 minutes late, we were the people that everyone hated. Well, I'm guessing it was 20 minutes late but I still have no idea what time the flight was actually scheduled to leave, so I guess it could've been longer. Ooops. What a great way to start off our time in India. Fabulous.

Angkor WHAT????

Angkor Wat or Angkor What?

Both seem to blur into one as the viewing of Angkor Wat (a massive Buddhist temple in Siem Reap) was severely impacted by Angkor What? (a local drinking establishment frequented by most backpackers in the area.)

VS

We went for sunset armed with our favourite photo taking, model posing German, and captured the moment perfectly. The black and white camera settings and poses dictated by our own director made for a wonderful photo shoot that would only continue into the coming days/weeks. Obviously, when Hannah and I find something funny, we just can't drop it and so the joke continues and escalates horribly. Somehow our running jokes have actually been going since January and we're STILL not bored of them. How I can't wait to annoy a whole new batch of people with them when I get home...

Anyway, we're not the first to notice the hilarity of watching people crack out their poses at various touristic monuments. The best and most common ones to note are the peace sign at a perfect 45 degree angle to the head, the lean against the tree and the longing gaze whilst hugging a wall. These are all catalogue poses to perfection. Obviously, we hold them in such high regard that it is 100% necessary to imitate them at every moment possible. Hannah's even managed to wack out a lying down pose outside Angkor Wat which has to be the best one that we've managed. Pictures will have to be uploaded at a later date as I'm still a bit scared to put the USB in the computers here!

But back to the point - we have some beautifully posed pictures of sunset but when you go to Siem Reap you are also meant to go for sunrise. But, there is a horrible obstacle in the way to test your temple commitment...

PUB STREET

If I could put a sound track on right now there would be one... da da daaaaa.

Our commitment to the temples was already faltering some what having traipsed around more than a few during our time in Asia and even lived at one. Unfortunately, as appealing as it sounded getting up at 4:30 am to go and look at another one from a different angle we failed miserably. We had even booked the tuktuk man and everything, but our alarms failed us as Temple Bar, Angkor What? and the German took hold (this is the same German that was responsible for obscene memory loss in Nha Trang, we should learn to ditch him  but he keeps following us around). 

We stumbled in from our podium dancing, cocktail drinking fun (just to win a tshirt that has actually come in very handy to help us cover up in India) about an hour before sunrise. Any sensible person would just stay awake but we decided to nap. A fatal move. I'm going to blame Apple for this one... the volume of the alarm on an Ipod Touch just doesn't cut it when you need waking from such a peaceful slumber. Normally we're pretty dedicated and can get up anyway. How wrong we were this time. 

I woke up at 6:30 to Hannah sat bolt up right in bed trying to 'find the exercise belt'. Having watched her empty the entire contents of her bag and pull out a leather belt I finally twigged... it was another sleep talking episode AND we had missed the sunrise AND Mr Tuk Tuk was probably waiting for us outside. Oh Dear. 

Eventually we roused ourselves to head temple bound. As far as they go, Angkor Wat is very impressive. Its huge, and full of some very exciting steps that may even rival those on the Inca Trail. In Toby (the Germans) absence we resumed our catalogue posing around the other 4 or 5 temples that followed that day. 

We went to the one that Tomb Raider was filmed in which was pretty cool although I was quite disappointed by Lara Crofts absence. Then off to another couple of smaller ones that Mr Tuk Tuk told us were quite boring ... he knows us so well! 

So our temple work was over by lunchtime, thankfully as it gets VERY hot post 1 o'clock which is the perfect time for a quick nap in preparation for the night ahead. 

And before you judge, the night ahead was not only to do with drinking. We also went and watched a cello performance. Beatocello. Can you believe it? Two classical performances in once travelling trip? Wow. I didn't think that would happen. Mr. Beatocello was very good at playing the cello, but the main reason for the performance was to raise awareness, to donate money (if you're old) and blood (if you're young) to the children's hospitals that he has set up and was running throughout Cambodia. They are 90% funded by public donation and are very impressive, check out the link below for more info. 

http://www.beat-richner.ch/

After some cello magic it was time to return to the one and only 

PUB STREET

Which once again was messy. We HAD to get hold of an Angkor What? t-shirt to match up with our Temple Bar tshirt. This meant ordering another couple of cocktails and dancing on some more podiums which clearly we had to oblige.Oh god I've done it again, it sounds like all we do is drink. There is culture involved on this trip I promise! 

So, the next morning  we were off to purchase our pressies for Sunrise Orphanage... I'll hit you up with another link.

http://www.scv.org.au/

Its a really nice project across Cambodia.  So armed with hoola hoops, bouncy balls, skipping ropes and some other weird toy things that everyone plays with in Cambodia and I don't really know how to describe we were off to pay them a visit. 

Being hollared at by Tuk Tuk men is an everyday part of walking around in any country in south-east Asia and I have to say that by Cambodia, our last country in the area we were getting a bit sick of it. Our usual tactic of dealing with them as they follow alongside you as you walk is to ask if they'll take us for free. It normally works as they laugh and drive off, but this time it worked on a whole new level. We asked to go for free, he laughed and then asked where we were going. When we replied, to the orphanage, we actually managed to get a free ride there; 'you help my country, I'll help you'. What a nice Tuk Tuk man.

Unfortunately, we turned up at the gates to find that they are actually shut on Saturdays. How orphanages can be shut I don't really understand, but we left the toys with the security man and received a lovely thank you email from the staff there a couple of days later. As much as we really wanted the chance to play with the kids, it was great to feel like we were doing something to help them.

After this the Cambodian hospitality reached new heights as Mr Tuk Tuk II took us for beers with his friends at a local hang out. Several rounds later and a lot more food eaten we were well acquainted with our little crew. We had played 'The Game' with them which basically involves going to various posh sales outlets and pretending to be interested in their handicrafts. In return for taking you there Mr Tuk Tuk II gets commission and usually some free petrol vouchers. We're pretty well practiced at pretending to be interested in such goods in order to knock down the price of a tuk tuk ride here and there, but this time we got the benefits too as Mr Tuk Tuk II shared his bevvy and meal tokens with us for a slap up portion of lok lak and some quality entertainment. How we love random outings with the locals. 

We got back bevvied up just in time to hit up 

PUB STREET

again! 

This time we got to have a little rave with some Cambodian kiddies in the street who were mega cute and VERY happy with the lolly pops and chips that we got them. Maybe not quite as pleased as we were with our 2nd Angkor What? tshirt and 3rd Temple bar tshirt that also got given to some random kids.

More horrendousness followed including reunions with good old Russel Crowe that we met in Byron. We do love a good random reunion, and a hung over mini bus journey, and so the crew for the final leg of South East Asia in Bangkok began its formation, more deets to follow. 

The Road to Recovery

Cambodia is a country that I have been amazed by. It definitely wins the nicest people award! Considering the poverty in the country and amount of recent upheaval its been through you never see anyone that isn't smiling. All the kids are so happy and so keen to learn its ridiculous, we've had hundreds of them running up to us in the streets just to say hello and practice their English without any hidden motive to sell you something (which always makes a change). Hannah and I were bowled over with how much they will go out of their way to help you and make sure that you enjoy your time in their country.

This was all put massively into perspective when we went and visited S-21 prison and The Killing Fields while we were in Phnom Penh. From a population of only 7 million, 2 million were slaughtered during the regime of Pol Pot. Whilst this statistic is horrendous in itself the main problems that the country is still dealing with is that it was 2 million of the most well educated people living in the country. The regime targeted doctors, lawyers, lecturers, anyone with a profession that could be a threat to their total domination over the country. Now the country is faced with the problem of having to train up enough young people to deal with the ongoing AIDs and Dengue Fever epidemics that are still killing thousands of Cambodians.

S-21 use to be a school that was quickly turned into a concentration camp when the regime entered Phnom Penh. Even the old monkey bar poles were used a torture instruments. Its not the only one of its kind but it saw one of the largest numbers of prisoners go in and never come out of it. Instead, the prisoners were taken here, brutally tortured before being taken to the Killing Fields, where they're throats were cut using the sharp edge of a palm tree leaf. This is no way to guarantee death so once they were kicked into the pit the soldiers would pour acid on them to make sure that they were dead and get rid of the smell. As if thats not bad enough the women were raped before being murdered and the children were killed by smashing their heads against a nearby tree or throwing them in the air and shooting them like clay pigeons.

You can still see the remains of bones and clothes coming up through the ground. When it rains the movement if the earth brings up fresh remains.

To commemorate the dead and remind people of what happened the current government have created a massive monument, a kind of mass grave, at the entrance. Its full of all the skulls and bones that they have found by excavating the pits.

Its a very moving day trip to both the prison and to the fields. How all of this went on only 30 years ago and no one really knows about it at home I have no idea.

You notice the effects of this period in Cambodian history every day that you walk around, the people are all so young because basically an entire generation is missing. Everyone that you speak to you are left wondering which members of their family were taken from them and what they have experienced in their lives.

Fortunately now Cambodia definitely feels like a country on the road to recovery and I would encourage anyone that goes there to do what they can to help. We took some toys to an orphanage and were careful to stay at hotels that were linked with the Child Safe Foundation which means that a portion of the money that you spend goes towards helping out the kids in any way necessary. There are loads of other little schemes set up all over the country that try to give back as much as possible to those that need it most, so by participating in as many of those as possible and not buying from kids on the street it doesn't take a lot to give them a hand. 

If I were a 3ft Vietnamese Kid this would be comfy.

In Vietnam its pretty necessary to get down with the war history and go and visit the Cu Chi Tunnels near Ho Chi Minh City. They're quite drive away down the Saigon river but they are one of the only reasons that people swarm to Ho Chi Minh and it can be done in half a day.

They're the tunnels that were used by the Vietnamese to hide from the American attacks throughout the war. Its an amazingly intricate network of tunnels that you would defo get lost down! There are tunnels at three different distances from the surface and they take you everywhere! Some parts are still open to the public so you can go for a bit of an explore and despite the fact that they are now lit in most places they are pretty claustrophobic even for the not claustrophobic types.

Watching a couple of 6ft western lads getting down them is quite amusing though so I would recommend taking a peek down them just for the giggles. They weren't really built for anyone much above 3ft, and certainly not of the much larger western frame. No wonder the American had such a problem hunting them out - there's no chance that they would even get down them if they could find them, so instead they resorted to chucking grenades down there... charming.

The entrance

You can also see some of the traps that they used to trap the American soldiers that were on the ground. To be fair with these kind of things lying around every corner its not surprising that the Americans couldn't beat the Guerrilla tactics.

Imagine treading on a pile of leaves to find that beast underneath it. Things probably wouldn't look to great.

We were also allowed to fire guns mwah ha haha! They have loads of left over bullets that they basically sell to tourists to blow targets up so that they make a hefty profit. It was pretty fun though. Han and I had a go on the Carbine which makes us sound all cool and warlike. We well wanted a go on the machine gun but our funds didn't stretch that far. We honed our skills anyway because we got to have another go in Cambodia when we NEARLY hit bulls eye! and surprisingly nearly every shot hit the paper. Proud.

Aside from the tunnels we had a quick look round ANOTHER market, got drowned by more Vietnam rain and had a couple of drinks whilst being leched on by MORE Vietnamese footballers playing for the same team as the last bunch. I reckon their following us. 

The Deluxe Boat

I have a new filming destination to suggest to the crew at Lord of the Rings... Ditch New Zeland and go for Halong Bay. They could probably use the money more in Vietnam and the scenery is spectacular.

We only had time to speed around the bay for a day (anyone planning on going try and factor in a 2 day, 1 night trip, it sounds like better value for money) but we still managed to see all the main sites and even crack out a bit of kayaking, the best way to get up close to the fishing villages.

We had a bit of a flash packer experience as we ended up on a very posh boat (the deluxe) and certainly managed to wangle a VERY nice lunch complete with token Desperate Housewives to make us in our travelly gear feel pretty disgusting as they spoke of their swankey expat homes in Singapore with their manicured nails and pearl necklaces.

We also went and saw the caves in the bay which were spectacular. I've been caving before, but these were like nothing I've ever seen.

1) because they're enormous
2) because of the droves of tourists, literally swarming like ants through them.

The authenticity was spoiled a little bit because of that and because of the disco lights that were everywhere. They made it look cool but it was less au naturale and more Ibiza chic.

Family Outing in Hanoi

From Laos to Nam has won the prize for the worst bus journey EVER! Our VIP sleeper bus turned out to be a not so VIP local bus. This would be fine for a couple of hours, but when posed with the threat of 24 hours in this steamy hot little tin can we weren't particularly impressed!

The anger got worse as 24 hours turned into 30. 30 hours of gail force winds as the guy infront insisted on having the window open and filling our faces with dust, constant breaks to wee at the side of the road, people sitting on the floor, the most annoying ringtones in the world left unanswered until the last second when they would shout 'HALO' at the tops of their voices and then proceed to have a Dom Jolly style conversation for the whole world, let alone the whole bus to hear. Phew rant over.The one good thing to happen amongst this mayhem was that we met our family that would accompany us on our day trips around Hanoi. Bonded over the horrors of the local bus and free beer not much can break it now.

Touch down in Hanoi, Vietnam, the home of the most ridiculous moped filled roads I have ever seen. There is only one way to approach them and that is to shut you eyes and walk at the traffic head on, allowing the countless mopeds and bicycles to swerve round you. On one occassion our road crossing skills were admired by on lookers and followed up with a round of applause. That was a proud travelling moment right there. Eventually, when I'm brave enough to plug my camera into one of Asia's fine computers I have an amazing video of us attempting to cross which is the only way I can accurately show the manic nature of this city.

The moment that we achieved our clap for crossing was just before we spent a joyous hour watching the water puppets, a traditional Vietnamese recreation and a pretty big mistake to go and see. I felt pretty sorry for Toby and Thijs who we dragged with us to watch an hour of crazy puppets splashing about to the tuneful tones of Vietnamese singing. It was interesting to see but I think any longer than an hour may have resulted in me cutting my wrists to end the pain. Thankfully we'd had a couple of beers while waiting for the show which probably helped to numb the blow.

Having being donned 'the organised type' a mirical description for the pair of us as we normally wait for other people to tell us what we should be seeing, the boys also joined us for a family outing to the prison. This was before the water puppet catastrophe, so they still had a bit of faith in us.

Anyway the prison is worth a visit. It's where they kept the American P.O.W after their planes went down near the city and also where hundreds of Vietnamese accused of war crimes had been held before that. There was a stark contrast made between the treatment of the Americans and that of the Vietnamese before them. According to the videos (I'm not sure how accurate they really are) the Americans lived in relative luxury, (being allowed to celebrate Christmas etc.) in a place where Vietnamese had been savagely tortured and murdered - we even saw the guilloteen. While I don't doubt the horrors of the prison before it was used for the American P.O.W, I do think that there may have been a fair amount of propaganda involved when reporting on the Americans situation.

So that side of the family outing was pretty good, followed up with some street food, free beer (courtesy of central backpackers) and Mickey Finn (can you believe we found Mickey Finn in Vietnam!?) it turned out to be a good day, ending in a drunken game of two truths and a lie (aka Tobys confessions)which was very amusing!

Unfortunately, the boys decided to wuss out of the last nights festivities and chose sleep over Lighthouse, the only club in Hanoi open past 1ish. It's in the middle of nowhere but is where you need to go if your on a hunt for backpackers, or creepy footballers. Unfortunately we found the latter and ended up getting mobbed by Vietnams football league. In fairness we got some free drinks but quickly realised that they were a little bit scary, sooo our ravey night out turned into a sandwhich and hasty retreat back to the hostel!

So go to Hanoi! It wins the prize for best place to visit in Vietnam, particularly as it acts as a spring board to the beautiful Halong Bay which gets a blog all of it's own...

48 hours of silence, honest

Over 3 days I managed to spend 48 hours in silence. This is coming from the girl that use to find an hours sponsored silence at Brownies too much of a struggle.

And it wasn't just being quiet, it was meditated silence which means you can't even carry around a pad of paper, use sign language or make stupid faces without receiving a disappointed glance from the monks.

Day 1 was tricky, day 2 eased up but by day 3 I had thought about anything stressing me and moved on from it and was left with a blank canvas which drove me mad. Apparently I may have dosed off in the morning session but it was at 5am when you are supposed to be asleep! Not sitting in a dark silent room with your eyes shut but not asleep! Anyway I don't believe Hannah that I was asleep, I think she is just jealous of how calm and concentrated my mind is.

In fairness this meditation malarky was pretty good. It's not something that I would ever chose to do for three days straight again, but as a practice of thought it makes sense. The best way to describe the idea behind it is to take your thoughts that are generally in a confused storm. You spend your time flitting from one idea to the next. You should take the tome to stop that and focus on each thought individually until it is resolved or you come to a point where you can put it to the side and not let it bother you.

It's a frustrating process bit it works. Hannah and I did leave feeling like we had achieved something, even if we did sneak out and get pot noodles and eat them past lunchtime which we weren't supposed to do. Oh and break the solitary confinement rules by sharing a room no matter how small because we are now joined at the hip and too scared to sleep alone. I won't tell the monks if you don't!

Despite all this I would recommend it as a challenge to anyone. Come on if I can shut up and do it surely anyone can and I promise you will see the benefits. Wow u sound like I've gone all hippy.

Do it. I dare you.

Certificate City... Chang Mai

Hannah and I are officially massively skilled peeps....

We have certificates in Thai massage, Thai cooking, trekking, elephant riding, xorbing, meditating, bamboo rafting.

So finally I have something cultural to say rather than wittering on about drinking pretty much ALL the time. Instead now, you could pretty much call us Thai after all the skills that we have acquired. Whether I should really be admitting the completion of massage and cooking courses I'm not sure as I'm worried that the fam may take advantage of these when I get back. Maybe that can be allowed on birthdays and other special occassions... but don't get any ideas!!

Chang Mai is the place where you can learn everything Thai but theres not a lot else going down. We also managed to go watch some Thai Boxing (Han wasn't up for learning that one... I'd sooo win) which was pretty cool but at the same time quite sad. The boys that were fighting were really really young to start with and it did seem a little bit like they had been forced up there. I didn't feel quite so guilty watching by the end however, as we later saw their big
brothers get up and do the same... the boxing matches turned into a bit of a family occassion
as well as a spectator sport and opportunity for some gambling.

The trek was awesome. We did it over a couple of days, starting off with elephant riding, trekking throughout the next couple of days to some waterfalls and tribal villages, and finishing it all off with some bamboo rafting. The rafting was probably the highlight (as well as cracking out a few games of shit head with our group), largely because we got attacked by a group of local kids and ended up having a massive water fight mid journey. Hannah ended up being thrown off the raft completely and another member of our group sported a great big gash on his knee... war wounds to be proud of.

The guides definitely made our time in the jungle highly entertaining. Chang (aptly named after the local Thai beer) was hillarious. That man knew how to party big time. Within minutes of arriving at camp he would always be the first to crack open a beer and whack out a spliff.

On the first night he was literally crazy, I don't know how many times it is possible to say "excellent but not perfect" or "lovely jubbly" but he should win the prize. He also boast a wonderful singing voice and extensive repetoire, particularly with his repetitive renditions of Lady GaGa's 'Bad Romance', yes she has reached the remote tribes of Chang Mai that were particularly tuneful, especially whilst accompanied by another guide Neo (after the Matrix) on the guitar. The pair put together made for a lot of entertainment throughout as they not only taught us how to smoke out a squirrel from its hide away in the tree and eat bark that apparently whitens your teeth.

After all that trekking it was pretty important to get our massage skills sorted. So off to Janes for two days of intensive back cracking and shoulder rubbing lessons. Personally it was just a great excuse to get massages all day because obviously we have to 'practice'. Talking of which I think Han hasn't been utilising her new found skills enough...

The Real Wedding McCoy

As Hannah has had to pay the trip done by so many to the hospital following tubing (don't worry she's just had some weird allergic reaction making her look like Lilo) I thought I should probably catch up on some blogging!



So apart from last nights blog which is in real time there are a lot of gaps that need filling in. So annnoyingly chronology is going to get a bit lost, but it means I'll be back up to date and you'll all know why the blogs got a bit behind! We've been VERY busy!

Obviously the royal wedding has probably been the highlight of the year so far in England so I feel it's important to let everyone know that we managed to do the Brits proud and spread the wedding love throughout Chang Mai.

At about 1pm our time so 6am your time the hunt for wedding footage began. We searched around many different streets and were getting pretty angsty. We asked soooo many people who just told us to owatch it in our guest house which we didn't think would really match up to the street partys that we had heard about at home. Besides, they were only showing it on American Fox TV which was not going to be up to standard - we needed BBC. So we trapsed around in the boiling sun when all of a sudden an oasis of Britishness appeared... The Old British Pub.

We went in and were thrilled to see wedding invitations, bunting, heart balloons, teapots, cucumber sandwhiches, scones, pimms and even a recent Daily Telegraph with Kate on the front looking lovely as ever.

So after our customary scones and pot of TETLEY tea was finished, the wedding began and the Brits started rolling in. Pimms was obviously being drunk by all and we even had champagne at the balcony kiss.

Obviously after the real footage was over the endless stream of highlights began - good old BBC News 24- which meant that the drinking started to get serious. By this point we had bonded with a little English crew. We were all sitting round playing cards when one of the Thai waitresses decided to up the stakes and start attempting drinking games.

Lesson to be learnt. Never take on the Brits at our favourite pastime. She ended up losing by a mile and after owing us all several shots of tequila and being covered in illuminous paint we thought we better leave before she got sacked.

Hannah, Jan, Kelvin and I then carried on up the street spreading illuminous paint and rose petals where ever we went (Jan decided it would be a good idea to buy a bunch of flowers for the occassion- he proceeded to eat half of them later but that's another story).

The carnage ended at Spiceys where we managed to paint half the people there in our body paint and definitely make sure everyone knew about the wedding!

At 6am the marathon was over. 18 hours of drinking is clearly the only way to celebrate a wedding properly. We should've had an invite to Harrys survivors breakfast.

Travellers getting drunk by a river... best idea ever.

So having arrived at Vang Vieng and seeing hoards of backpackers dressed head to toe in illuminous 'Laos' branded clothing, body paint and bandages we decided that it would be a really idea to join the droves of whiskey intoxicated revellers down at the river.

Tubing is a pretty strange concept really. A ridiculously dirty river combined with wasted travellers and zip wires seems like the most stupid idea in the world. Stupid and sooooo much fun.

Hannah and I were originally going to go tubing just for a couple of days as we're now on a race against time through the rest of south east Asia. But 7 days later we have only just arrived in Luang Prabang having destroyed our bodies and our souls.

We thought that Full Moon was pretty messy but its been decided that Tubing reaches new heights. Having literally drunk from 1pm until 5am everyday for the last week we decided that the time had come to leave. The problem is that Vang Vieng is one of those places that you just get stuck in. I want to say in a similar way to what happened in Buenos Aires but this took a whole new extreme. There are only 2 buses each day and the chances of you being up for either of them and not feeling more than a little bit sick is pretty low. We tried to leave three days ago but it just never happened. There are people that have actually been trapped there for 14 months, so our 7 days seems like nothing really.

On the bus on the way down we made friends with a group of about 10 Brits that then took over the hostel that we were staying at. We found that the best way to test whether they should be worthy of our friendship was to

1) Assess their drinking capabilities... they were necking vodka whilst still on the bus. Pass.

2) Request a rapping performance.
Pass. (kind of... Bradley managed to utter the words 55 several times to some weird beat, but its the effort that counts)

3) Perform a handstand
Pass. (kind of... it did end in a fall)

4) Celebrity claims to fame
Pass. (We were with both Daniel Radcliffe, Daniel Radcliffe VI and the sporn child of Leona Lewis and Rio Ferdinand).

Alongside out Stats list we also have a dare list. This has to be regularly updated and the competition has got pretty intense. I am now successfully ahead having held a snake the other day, but where the comp really hotted up was in the Lying Competition.

Originally we were just supposed to attempt to swap names and to lie about our nationalities... anyone that has been travelling before will understand how boring the 'getting to know you' questions are so we thought we would spice it up a bit.

The lies reached whole new heights. We spent our time passing ourselves off as mother and daughter, claiming that I was 14 and Hannah 32. We managed to meet my step father and birth father and introduce them to each other, whilst also maintaining that we were South African. This is only the half of it really... the more red bull that we drank the worse it got until we basically became ridiculously annoying. But the girls managed to roll with it and it made way for A LOT of giggles and very VERY confused boys which obviously we enjoyed.

So now we're basically looking forward to a bit of a detox now. It will be weird to sit eating breakfast looking out on people that don't look in horrendous amounts of pain with crutches and hangover combined.

The Wedding from Afar

Well... I guess I have to write a blog on the upcoming Royal Wedding as it would appear that it is all anyone can talk about at home. For fear of losing any blog readers that I already have I feel it needs to be included in order to retain interest!

Now, the wedding hype over in Thailand is basically non existant. When asked by a travel agent why we would like to keep the dates on the 29th and 30th free we looked at her baffled and said 'for the wedding of course', to which she replied 'what wedding?'. How anyone has not heard about it I don't know but apparently it is possible.

In fairness we have only heard from various relatives (the mothers and grandmothers) going mental for it, sad that we will be missing the most watched TV spectacle since Diana's funeral in 97. But never fear.... T Mobile is here with another gem...





I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE their adverts so much... they at Saatchi and Saatchi are going to be down for some big prizes this year.

So, if for some unknown reason the wedding fails to be beemed into an Irish Pub near us, all will be OK in the world because I will have seen this beauty.

Paying a visit to the clinic

Next stop was Singapore home of the Clinic Bar. The strangest place I have ever had a drink (and possibly the most expensive). You can purchase a range of  syringes, drips and Petrie dishes all containing your favorite beverages. I know that hannah and I have developed a slight alcohol problem but this takes addiction to a whole new level, I now know why the traditional drink is called the Singapore sling. 

Obviously this wasn't the only highlight of singapore but it was definitely among them. 

We also managed to pack in a fair few slights with the assistance of the lovely bus tours that run all round the city and the handy hints from the lovely lauren who let us stay with her for the duration. 

The best bits were going to visit china town and little India where we got to sample the local cuisine. Amazing fresh noodles cooked in the wok straight infront of you to fresh India curry that you eat with your left hand- no cutlery involved! I don't really know how I'm going to cope with moving back home to he world of the knife and fork instead of the chopsticks or paw.   

We also paid a trip to the night safari which was amazing. They design the whole park so that there are no fences and you are up close and personal with all the animals. We saw lions, tigers, hippos, rhinos, hyenas, wolves and elephants all without the horrible wire fences that normally ruins all the piccies!

She Jumped from 14000 feet.

I did a sky dive

and it was amazing

end of.



Ok so I probably have to tell you about it a little bit, as everyone knows its rare that I can shut up!! Pretty scary but not as scary as you might think. The instructors are amazing and don't really give you a chance to realise what your doing before your plummeting towards the ground with them strapped to your back, screaming your head off as your face does that weird flappy thing and they start spiraling you towards the floor.

Next thing you know parachute is up and your floating back down to the ground. I even got to steer the parachute in some pretty circles before coming in to land.

Best experience ever. EVERYONE should do it. Even if your scared of heights its worth it. And you get a cool certificate and tshirt to prove it.

Its the sailing life for me.

It may be a couple of weeks later (yes I know I have been very slow on the blog recently) but I feel like I'm still rocking from our idyllic boat... Spank Me.

Yes that's right, where normally boats have beautiful girls names conjuring images of sailing through calm crystal clear waters, we were changed from 'The Matador' which sounds quite exciting - speed and sophistication coming to mind to Spank Me. Not quite the same connotations there.

Spank Me did somehow suit the boat as it was far from luxury with its tiny leaking beds and very strange smelling below deck toilets. I felt like I'd stepped back several years and was aboard a merchant sailors ship or something. I think this was particularly helped by the gale force winds and rain that we ended up having on our first day. Lots of boats going out on the same day as ours had been cancelled so we boarded not too optimistic about the beautiful weather that we had been hoping for on the Whitsunday Islands. Instead we thought it was more likely that we would be experiencing the Wetsunday Islands as lots of backpackers have affectionately named this set of islands by the Great Barrier Reef in North East Aus.

However, after a rocky nights sleep we woke to glorious sunshine, which made shots like these possible...

Yep, I reckon we probably jumped for that photo about 15 - 20 times and its still not great. But jumping on white sand in wet suits apparently is how pretty much every backpacker on that route rolls judging by the many photo shoots that took place on White Haven Beach, some guides even take props... plastic ducks, beach balls, beer cans, you get the picture.

You may recognise those two ladies in the photos too from the Fraser blog... we managed to meet up with Caroline and Sarah again having already been on Fraser with them. Most people take the same route up the coast, so on one stretch of beach we were reunited with 3 different sets of people that we had met on our way.

We got to open the boat up to full sail and bounce along the waves through the islands before stopping off at various snorkeling points, donning our highly attractive 'stinger suits' apparently its high season for these little treasures about now so we had to rock the not so Baywatch look before going in the water at all.

The fish that we saw were beautiful and we were even lucky enough to see a turtle popping up to take a look before diving back down and hiding away from us as we all launched off the side of the boat to chase it.

As the sun came down and the goon came out everyone was in high spirits... especially when Steph our hostie performed an amazing feet... Roast dinner on a boat, it was impressive! No idea how she did it, but it was the first roast I have had in a very very long time and it was preeettty good.

So that was our taste of boat life. I was pretty pleased to be back on dry land again, even if it was to shower outside by the public pools as we were hopping back on the Greyhound that night. We thought our fellow bus riders would probably appreciate O' du Chlorine rather than O' du Salt Water.

The Stats...

As we've reached the half way mark - well over it now anyway, we thought it was time to update on some of the stats from our trip. So our combined totals are.....

Countries visited - 9
Time spent sober - 27 days out of 98
Time spent on buses - 166 hours
Ice cream consumed - 52 scoops
Time spent away from each other - 21 hours
People kissed - 19
New foods tried - 57
Alcohol consumed - 100000 (recurring)
Foreign swear words learnt - 8
Botanical gardens visited - 5
China Towns visited - 4
Hours spent lost - too many
Number of showers - not enough
Loads of washing done - 8
Cultural landmarks visited - 25
Bars danced on - 2
Items of fancy dress purchased - 22
Tshirts purchased - 21
Items we have stolen - 6
Items lost - 8
Drunken journeys - 6
Number of bank cards cloned - 4
Number of shampoo explosions - 9
Postcards sent - 41
Items donated to charity - 6
Museum/Gallery/Zoo excursions - 6
Hours spent underwater - 12
Drinking/card games learnt - 11
Dares completed - 4
Number of raps created - 2

Obviously this will be updated upon arrival in the UK.

The Fraser Crew Brrrraaap

Yo yo brrap brrap,
Car 2 is where it's at,
Thats because it's where we are sat,
You in Car 1,
You are crap,
We are so cool how about that.

Peeeaace out.... RRRReeeewind.

Was the blissful tune that accompanied those lucky enough to be in a car with Hannah and I throughout the Fraser Island trip. We were not supplied with a radio in our 4wd and therefore had to improvise. Obviously Hannah and I provided the thumping beats and the tuneful renditions of 'We're all going on a summer holiday' while our Swedish members of the crew cranked out a bit of Shakiras popular 'Whacka whacka'. We were definitely part of a particularly hard core crew of individuals it has to be said.

There are a few locals that actually inhabit this tiny island made entirely of sand permanently. But, in general its main purpose is as a four wheel drive race course for the tourists. The majority population being the 18 year old 'Nomad Tribe'. These are nocturnal creatures that spend their days chundering and their nights battling relatively small amounts of alcohol with socially destructive effects.

There is another form of backpacker that is a slightly rarer breed that manages to keep the contents of their stomach down during the day despite the adverse conditions of rough terrain and outlast so called Nomads at night. Luckily this was the type that was to be found in Car 2, and possible Car 1 although we don't like to tell them that.

The Nomad tribe have an ability to make the rarer breeds feel a little bit old but with their failure to embrace simple drinking games and other social communications face the risk of extinction upon arrival at Fraser island, and on other continents outside their natural habitats.

They unfortunately have a tendancy to attempt procreation which often results in the spread of disease and can lead to fatalities as their chosen breeding ground is the pitch dark, dingo infested beach without use of a safety torch, dingo stick and dingo song to ward off enemies.

The more sophisticated breed chose to leave procreation until finding the appropriate partner and sensibly ward off the threat of predator attacks with their useful dingo song..

Lets have some fun this beat is sick,
I wanna take a ride on your dingo stick.

Pkkkkkkaaar is a cry that you will hear between the group as a means of communication and bonding ritual. Unfortunately the Nomads have not grasped this yet and therefore have missed out on large amounts of banter. Shame.

Car 1 and 2 also showcase such skills as

Human Pyramids
Spinning on Elbows
BBQ raving
Beat Boxing
Acting

These are all requirements that must be tested before entering the group. Failure to present any of the above skills or any additional skills in performance will result in relegation to the Nomad tribe.

As you can tell we formed quite a tight crew on the beautiful islands of Fraser and had a pretty awesome time. What more could you want? Sun, sea, sand, goon, dingoes and a massive truck to roam around in.

I'm Not a Tourist... Promise....

So we've left Sydney now and are in Byron Bay. But obviously we've been getting our 'tourist' on while we've been out and about in Sydney...

• Opera house,
• Harbour Bridge,
• Botanical Gardens,
• Walking Tour,
• Kings Cross (most importantly)
• Pylon Tower,
• Manly,
• Bondi,
• Bronte,
• China Town (on our 4th continent!),
• Blue Mountains.

So we definitely filled the tourist role... UNTIL...we got asked by Sydney siders where they could go for food WOW...

We officially look like we live there, obviously until we open our mouths, but we were pretty pleased with that. Obviously that declined into a horrible continuation of a very drunken night. ScuBar...food.. some seedy random place that was actually open at 4am, unlike pretty much everywhere else! So weird after being out in Buenos Aires where things don't even start until 2:30. Han and I are now permanently off pace because we're never ready in time to start the predrinkage at 8 rather than 12!

We also went for a couple more messy nights in Kings Cross. We stayed with our friend Lorna that we met in Peru... she showed us Kings Cross Aussie style which led to a pretty good night.  Largely down to the fact that on arrival and after therealisation of the drinks prices Han and I quickly took off, purchased as bottle of champagne from the local bottle shop (the ONLY place you can get alcohol which is weird - you can't even buy it at service stations or supermarkets!) and then took to the trains (as we have free train passes) to drink it out of the rain (and the beady eyes of the police). Brits on tour a little bit I feel. But excitingly champagne is one of the cheapest things to drink out here!

We also went to World Bar... after being repeatedly told to go here by other aussie travellers it had to be done. Now this is a place where you really do Brit Abroad it as you drink shots out of tea cups! I don't think its possible to get more British than that.

Obviously its not ALL about the drinking  (even if that is pretty important) and despite the rain we got most of the sights in too.

The best way to do it really is to go on a walking tour of the city. They're free and just work on a tips basis. It gives you a good way to get your bearrings, work out where things are and see the sights all in a couple of hours. We did one in BA too and will be hunting them down all over the place where possible!

Top Tip from the free tour was to dress up posh and go for a drink at the top of the Pylon Tower. They only let you in if you look like your going to spend money, so we ditched the travellery clothes and put on our frocks and managed to by pass security for our drink with the best view in Sydney. The bar is on a rotational platform so while your supping your cocktail you slowly move around, obtaining a truely panoramic view of the city by night.

We managed to fit in a couple of beach days around the rain... Manly is a cute little island a boat ride away from Sydney... you can get it all included on the week bus train and ferry pass. We had the BEST fish and chips ever there! Then we also squeezed in Bondi (home of Bondi Rescue and therefore some pretty fit lifeguards) and Bronte beach.

you even get a slice of lemon!

We also went along to the Blue Mountains for the day. Make sure you get up EARLY if you go because the train journey takes FOREVER and is not as frequent as you think it might be! We managed to spend longer on the train there and back than we actually got to spend at the mountains because it took so long! Kind of exciting though as all the trains in Sydney are double deckers. 3 hours there and 2 hours back seems a bit ridic really, but the view was worth it! I felt like I was at the Grand Canyon!

After our little (VERY LONG) trip to Blue Mountains we HAD to go for a Chinese in China Town. Its a tradition that we have decided to uphold from BA... we realised that we have now managed to do China Town in 4 continents... Europe, America, South America and now Australia. Obviously we will be hunting one down in Asia too so that we can complete the set.

So despite hanging out with our fair share of Sydney siders I think we managed to get ourselves the tourist label while packing in the sights of Sydney... we even won flower lays at Scubar which is a pretty international sign for tourist!

apologies for the lack of rotation!

Youtube Symphony

On Saturday Han and I were lucky enought to go and watch the preview of the Youtube Symphony Orchestra at the Sydney Opera House. Such a clever concept - basically thousands of people auditioned via youtube for the chance to play in the symphony. Those that got through spanned 33 countries and all came together to play for a week in Sydney - social media take over or what! Made for a pretty awesome event though - the opera house is stunning inside and the musicians were amazing... heres a bit of a sneak peek.

Bye Bye BA

So its finally time that we have had to say goodbye to South America and most sadly goodbye to Buenos Aires, our favourite place to date.

Following the carnival we had our last few days back to normality for us (attempting to speak Spanish, getting drunk and going out until 7am, eating copious amounts of Italian food) in Buenos Aires.

Going back there felt like going home as we were warmly greeted at Milhouse - our hostel that we stayed at the whole time that we were there before, and by the restaurant round the corner. Open 24/7 which means that they have seen us at every state of the day - hungover in the morning, predrinking in the evening, wrecked in the early hours. That place is largely to blame for the copius amounts of Italian food consumed while in BA - that is actually more cultural than it sounds as theres a pretty strong Italian influence in the country - hence the good looking men and the big hand gestures!

Han and I basically spent the last few days there revisiting our favourite things and discussing our action plan to move out there... either by working at the hostel, which means free board and food or somehow stumbling across a large amount of money so we can get ourselves a sexy apartment quickish! All this was discusssed over our final Freddo ice cream by the harbour which was obviously suitably amazing and proves that we have become naturals at our ice cream chosing as we managed to do it all by ourselves without the assistance of Lucas and Guido for the first time!

We also had our last dinner (more Italian) with our fave peeps and said some very sorry goodbyes before jetting off to Australia. Which of course involved eating even more ice cream - how can we see those boys without ice cream being involved? We sampled the last of the four top places to go, but I can safely say Volta still comes out as number one. We also went to an English pub with them which was quite weird - prepping them up for the trip London side in the near future (we hope!)

Anyway tshirts all signed and ready to go, it was time to hit the plane. It felt very very odd to speak English again as we touched down in our next continent. Its taking some getting use to, Han and I have resorted to speaking to each other in garbled Spanish - keeping south America alive just a little bit!

But wrekky of South America done and next trip planned there for September!

Hot Water Causes Fires?

We have officially crash landed from our amazing time at the Marriott and officially discovered possibly one of the worst hostels going. Eco Arco Verde... really it says it all in the name. There were that many ants there that you definitely felt VERY close to nature and very eco.

That wasn't really the worst of it... well, not even scratching the surface. There are so many amusing anecdotes to tell of this hell hole, but I think I will just give you the two best ones.

To start with I should set the scene. Hannah and I have just been out for the first day of carnival, we have been drinking since midday and the hangover has started to kick in. Its about 2am at this point so we're getting pretty tired and just want to go to bed.

We turn up at the hostel to be told by this cranky old woman that we only have 1 bed for the two of us to share for the night. Now we're not unreasonable, but bear in mind that we booked this hostel in October and were paying 50 pounds a night for it as its carnival time (usual rate is about a tenner), we were not impressed to have this explained in shouty Portuguese, sign language and diagrams!

Following our shouting match with the cranky woman Han and I admitted defeat and got comfortable spooning it up in our SINGLE bed (I'm sure she loved it really) muttering to ourselves about finding a new hostel and refusing to pay them.

As if it couldn't get much worse I jumped in the shower in the a.m to have it explode into flames whilst I was in there. How to make a grumpy morning even worse... I told the woman, only to be told that "hot water makes fire"... quite how water makes fire I'm not sure but apparently this made sense to her. Meh, no sleep, nearly electrocuted, all in a normal day hey?

The moral of the story is, don't cheap skate it up too much during carnival... its probably worth spending the extra 10 pounds a night to actually have a bed to yourself. As for their hostel bookers review, I can't wait to rate it with a big fat 0% on every account. I have never been so happy to leave a place as I was to walk out of there and back to the lovely comfort of our previous hostel.

To top it all off, I'm now in Australia where I've found out that all four of our cards got frauded in Brazil! In Arco Verde metro station of all places... so as much as I loved Rio and thought I'd escaped with no more than eating a few ants and nearly getting electrocuted in the shower, instead I found that some nasty Sao Paulo person tried to nick a good 700 pounds off me! Don't worry though I've got it all back, finally Natwest did something right by continually blocking my card!

But don't let all this put you off Rio, its amazing... Just be careful where you stay (I would recommend Stone of a Beach Hostel and be cautious with using your card!)

Carnival Arrives!

My faves.... Unidos da Tijuca

We went to the sambodrome a couple of nighst ago at Rios famous carnaval. It was AMAZING!

These guys were definitely the most impressive - last years winners. They were sooo inventive with what they did and the costumes that they wore, it was unbelievable. The theme of their procession was movies and they covered everything from Avatar to Chicken Run to Harry Potter.

This parade was like nothing I've ever seen before. The videos don't really do it justice but they go some way to letting you see what it was like. Just imagine that amazing parade in front of tens of thousands of people all waving flags and singing along to the songs. The atmosphere is electric as is the show. They spend millions on the costumes. Particularly on the Sunday show which is the climax of the competition and when all the big wigs have their moment. Every samba schools parade kicks off with a massive fireworks display as they eneter the arena and each school goes for about an hour and a half.

Its a serious event... so serious in fact that the carnival queen even has plastic surgery to suit the theme of the parade. I know they're pretty fond of going under the knife here (honestly you should see some of the women on the beach) but that does strike me as going a little bit far!


We didn't even arrive until 11-30 and we were there for the best bit... as you can imagine we didn't leave until about 4-30 and that was actually vaguely early. The whole show actually finishes at 7, but about 5 nights of getting in at 7am had started to take its toll on us just a weeny bit.


The sambadrome is just where it starts with carnival as well. The streets are taken over by hundreds of different street parties. I've been told that there were close to 500 different parades throughout the city which means there were probably at least double that many street parties.


These things start at 7am and finish 24 hours later. The Brazilians definitely know how to party... the English actually struggled to keep up, which given our reputation is surprising! Literally EVERYONE walks around in fancy dress constantly for the whole weekend - its actually weird to see people in normal clothes again after it finishes, and everything in the city grinds to a hault apart from the music, the dancing and the drinking.


Perfect.


It really is a well oiled machine. Carnival finishes on Tuesday and by Wednesday every sign of it has disappeared. The clean up operation is immense considering that every beach is FULL of people drinking, dancing and urinating everywhere for 5 days non stop. Its great to have such a massive party that is so whole heartedly supported by the government and the companies that endorse it. There are porta loos at every street corner. Beer for ridiculously cheap prices and police and stewards everywhere making sure everything runs smoothly.


I would recommend it to anyone... its the biggest party you can possibly hunt down and its not as scary as people think.Despite it being the wettest carnival in 15 years it was incredible!

Taxi to the Marriott please.

Probably the best line to leave my mouth since heading off in January...

´Take me to the Marriott Hotel, Copacabana beach please´

It would be wrong to say that the taxi driver believed me initially. Only after a couple of repetitions did he realize that we were serious and that we were taking our massive backpacks and upgrading for a couple of nights in 5* luxury.

I don´t think the porters really believed us either when the taxi pulled up and Hannah and I stumbled out looking like we haven´t seen a shower or a washing machine in months, let alone a blusher blush or mascara.

Eventually they all ran to help us when they realized that we were serious and we were actually going to enter the building. And what an entrance...

We had already scouted out the outside of the hotel in our excitement the day before, but we hadn´t really anticipated the inside. It was beautiful.

After a million wows and hestitational ´what are we supposed to do´s´we got to our hotel room. Sooo lovely, and thankfully daddy crouch had ordered extra feather pillows to make it all the better.

We were also told that we were allowed into the executive lounge... as if we weren´t already being spoilt enough. We thought that we would literally sleep in the hotel and use its gym and pool. Little did we realise that we were basically all inclusive in the Marriott Hotel. INSANE.

We got into the lounge and then saw loads of food on the side. We thought there might be coffee and snacks and that that would be lucky! We walked in, and then walked back out again to ask the concierge if we were actually allowed to eat the stuff... ýes its complimentary´was the reply... ahhh so i get this now, we should ask ís this complimentary?´rather than just ´shit is this all for free?`

As if we couldn´t believe our luck already we then found out that cocktails were also ´complimentary´ so yes, we could get drunk for free, eat dinner for free, get more drunk and then head up to our hotel room, for FREE.

All this, looking over this view...

I don´t know how many times its possible to say ´wow´and ámazing´in one day but I think Hannah and I have accomplished the record. We need new conversation topics really because if anyone listened to us we must sound very dull. All we have spoken about, solidly for the last 3 days is how ´amazing´ (yes I said it again) this place is.

Unfortunately we are crashing back down to reality with a bump this evening and we head back to the hostel. Only good thing I guess is that we avoid unwanted attention from various sugar daddys offering to buy us champagne and additional nights at the hotel, which was a little creepy coming from someone old enough to be your grandad to say the least.